Where Do Babies Come From?
by Mutare Electri
Summary: Zim's daughter asks him an interesting question one day and he has absolutely no idea how to respond. Epic parenting failure ensues. (ZaGr baby/smeet. Bameet. Smaby. Yeah.)


**The words "Danem" and "Maneem" were NOT made by me. I borrowed them from the awesome HeCallsMeHisChild here on this website. If you haven't read their stories, you totally should.**

**ANYWAY, I wrote this story at like, 3 or something in the morning and thought it was much funnier that it probably is. I normally don't like putting fan-characters in things, but I couldn't help it this time. Ah well. ZaGr baby/smeet ftw. I also didn't really think any of this out, so whateva. Enjoy!**

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"Dad?" Zim's antennae perked up at the sound of his daughter's voice and he looked over at her. She was standing off to his right, looking at him with her usual neutral expression. But her triangular-curled antennae were standing up slightly, indicating her curiosity. He tilted his head at her.

"Eh?" he answered, setting his tools down. He had been working for a while now, he felt like a small break couldn't hurt. He pushed his goggles up onto his forehead and pulled his filthy gloves off, revealing his usual, much cleaner pair underneath. He turned and leaned back on the workbench, looking at his offspring with an antenna raised. "What is it, smeet?" he asked, curious as to what she was curious about. Maybe it was infectious.

She looked up at him for a second and both of his antennae perked up in interest. What was going on? She stared at him for a few seconds as if testing him before she spoke.

"Where do babies come from?"

He stared at her for a second, completely frozen. He blinked and his antennae slowly stood up. Where did... babies come from? He had no idea how to respond to that. On Irk smeets had the entire knowledge of the Irken Empire downloaded into their paks. He had known where smeets came from when he himself _was_ one. He also knew about sexual reproduction as well, since the Empire had invaded and conquered several planets that still reproduced that way. It had simply been programmed into his pak and he knew everything about it in seconds. But... how was he supposed to explain it to his daughter? It would be a long and tedious explaination, and he wasn't sure he really wanted to. Well, he figured, Irken reproduction was simpler and much less embarassing to explain than human reproduction. And he didn't know how Gaz felt about telling her all that he knew. What was he supposed to do?

"Uh... what... what kind of babies?" he asked, trying to hide the nervousness in his voice. It was obvious she caught it though by the raise of one of her antennae. She raised an eyebrow as well.

"My kind," she replied matter-of-factly, eyes never leaving his face. "Where did _I_ come from?"

He flushed and she watched him with her piercing, pupil-less orangish-red eyes, taking note of every little movement he made, analyzing every single one. She was just like her mother in that way... He squirmed a little, not sure how to continue.

"Well..." he blinked, looking at the floor so he could escape her gaze. "You... came from... your maneem." She raised her eyebrow again at that.

"Okay, but how did I get there in the first place?" she asked in a tone that made it sound more like a demand. He held back a wince. How on Irk was he supposed to explain _that?_ He wracked his brain for any way to get him out of this. A human myth, a stupid one, came to him and he went with it. It's not like he had any other ideas.

"A... a bird," he said. She stared at him with her blank expression. She blinked.

"A bird," she stated, obviously not believing it in the least. He blinked, then nodded, staring at her with wide eyes.

"Yes. A... a giant bird." He held his hands up with his thumbs touching, making a crude avian shape. "It... um... it was a stork! I think. Or a pelican. A pigeon...? Um..." He rubbed his head, suddenly getting a headache. "Anyway, it... uh... came down with you and it sorta... it was..." He again ran everything about human reproduction through his head, trying to find a believable story to tell her. He was getting nothing, until something he once believed a long time ago when he first came to Earth resurfaced. He blurted it out without thinking.

"Space!" He looked at her, eyes wide and looking slightly deranged. "Earth babies come from space, smeet."

She stared at him, both antennae and eyebrows raised in surprise. "Space," she said in that same flat, I-know-you're-lying tone. He ignored it and nodded vigorously. She stared at him. "So... does that mean I'm an Earth baby, then?"

Zim blinked, anteannae raised. "Uh... well, you were born on Earth, and we live on Earth, so... yes." But it sounded more like a question. Her eyebrows knitted.

"But I'm not a full human," she said, and Zim shifted his eyes nervously. "I mean... Mom was born here. She's human. But you're from Irk. So am I still considered an Earth baby, even if half of my roots came from Irk?"

Zim blinked, at a loss for words. He ended up just repeating what he had said before. "You... were born on Earth." He shifted his gaze again. "So... you're an Earth baby."

"If I came from space, then how was I born on Earth?" she asked, and Zim's mind went competely blank. Irk, his child was infuriatingly brilliant. Infuriating like her father, brilliant like her mother. Of course, Zim was brilliant, too. Just... not in the way that allowed him to tell believable, elaborate stories to his children. He sputtered.

"Um... I... Uh..." He looked around for some kind of answer. Not finding one, he opted for narrowing his redish-pink eyes down at her and raising his antennae in false aggression. "Do not question your danem!" he snapped, hiding his indignancy at being caught in the lie. "Go to bed!"

She raised an antenna. "Dad, it's four in the afternoon," she explained, but he was waving a hand at her.

"Go. Shoo."

She stared at him with her antennae lowered in annoyance before she shook her head. "Whatever, Danem," she said, turning around and walking to the elevator. When she was standing on the glowing circular pad she gave him another one of her looks. "I'll just ask Mom."

Zim sighed as the elevator rose up to the base's upper house levels, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Yeah," he said, squeezing where the bridge of his nose would be if he had one, "so will I."

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**Poor Zim. He tried. He's a good dad, he just doesn't know what he's doing most of the time. Pff. Feel free to leave a review if you feel so inclined. Or don't. Do what you wanna.**


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